Reasons to survive ... To stay alive

Hello guys...
Sorry for being late this time, I was in bad mood recently, any way, I feel better now...
I was under the hot water today having a shower, when an idea came across my mind, why I'm doing this to myself, feeling bad, frustrated, angry, what ever ... this idea told me why didn't I remember some events that affected to my life, so, I decided to write today about the most critical events in my life, that made me feel that I have to live, cause may be I'm blessed ;) ...

1- I will go back to the year of 1983, I was a cute baby as my mother keep saying (al-2red be 3een emmo 3'azal) ... and we were at our house in Tijara (Damascus) ... I was playing, then I felled down and hit my head to the ground, unfortunately, no body notice that I was bleeding, after one hour, my dad walked near me, and then shouted, " what the hell is this" ... my blouse was red the back side was covered by blood, they took me to the hospital, and the doctor had to use forceps to cut the skin and remove a disgusting clot ... and up to date, I still have this scar at the back of my head to remember how lucky I was that my dad noticed that I was bleeding.

2- after we shift from Damascus, we lived in Banias, and I was 5 years old in the nursery school, they took us in a trip, we were so happy, then, we hit a very slope road, suddenly, the bus stopped, and start falling down, I remember that event clearly, as if it was yesterday, it was the year 1986, and I still remember the driver's voice "3ammo TALAL" asking "Miss. BADRYA" to try going down and put a stone behind the wheel, but she couldn't ... mean while, the bus start tipping over from the top of the road until we settled down at the bottom, I remember the feeling of dizziness, after seconds the yelps started, we were about 24 kids in that bus, and all start shouting and crying, after a while, flames started to come out of nowhere, same time a military truck was around, thank god, the rookies ran to the bus, and start breaking the windows by their muddy shoes and stones, they hardly entered the bus, and start pulling out the kids, some kids stepped over me, I didn't know what was going on, then, I remember his face, the bald head and the mustache, he broke the window and pull me out of the bus, the took us away, after few minutes, an explosion took place, it is the bus, the only thing that we can see in stead of the bus is dark steam with flames …
One boy passed away in that accident, his name was Ziad (same like mine), and one girl was seriously injured, her name was Kholod …
I don’t know if it was a good luck, but a friend of my uncle was there, so he called my uncle, and he came to pick me on his motorcycle, he dropped me at home, my mother was waiting in behind the window, she was dying to see what happen, when she saw me, she jumped on the stairs, and hold me, we sat on the floor and start crying together, I told her: "MOM, I'm sorry, I lost my new bag, I kept half of my ZA'ATAR sandwich and cucumber in it" then without a word, she hold me to her chest and cried more and more …
My eye-lashes were burned, and some of my hair also, my upper under-wear was cut, and I don’t know how, and I lost my hand bag, it was dark blue and some red, and a football player was painted on it …

3- I fond of fishing, and I'm a good fisherman, so, once I went with three friends to have another kind of fishing, so, we took a very big wheel full of air, to load our tools on it, the tools were 4 cages as a trap for fish, and since I have the swimming tools, so, I volunteered to look after the fishing tools and push them to the fishing location, it was around 1 kilometer away from the sea shore, it was very hard to swim with such extras, any way, we reached the location, and we put these cages at the depth of almost 12 meters, after we finished, my friend told me:" you look tired, so give me your swimming tools and I will look after the floating wheel." I said okay, then he took them all, and went back to the shore, I said to myself, I will take a rest then I'll go back, I noticed that the draught was pulling me deeper and pushing me far away, so I start swimming to go back to my friends, I passed around 500 meters behind my back, then suddenly, my muscles start shrinking, and I couldn't move any more, I said to myself: "this is the end, you idiot, how come you let them took the tools and you tired, you can’t make it." I stopped for a while, thinking, if I will panic, I will drown soon, so, I relaxed as much as I can, and said to myself:" I will never die like this, I have a lot to do" then, I put my face towards the water, and start swimming like a robot, no thinking, after a while I couldn’t feel my arms and chest muscles, but it's ok, it is better, I kept on swimming like this, more than 1 hour for 500 meters, I raised my head, I saw some rocks, oh god, I made it, and when I reached the first rock, I laid on it as if it is a sleep comfort mattress, I laid, looking to the blue sky, smiling, I'm alive …

4- also, once, I arranged with my friends to go to LATTAKIA, so we agreed to go at 4 O'clock, and one of my friends (as usual) delayed us, so we moved on 4:30 instead of 4, and I start yell at my friend and blame him cause he delayed us, until we saw something on the road that made me calm, a serious accident, same transportation company, we stopped, asked for details, it was the bus who lift on 4, a lot of people injured and some died, my friend looked at me, smiled, and I shut up …

5- when I was in high school, I used to go with some one everyday by his motorcycle, one day, he told me, shall we go ?, I said:" I don’t feel like going, you go, and I'll catch you later." He left 9:55 a.m, I got a call after 10 minutes, he made an accident, and, he passed away …

6- the last one for today, it happened one year back, I was in Dubai, I met my friends, we agreed to go out, we sat in Ebn Batota mall, then the guy whom I supposed to go with him asked me to go, I told him:" let me stay for a while, and I will go with another friend to meet you later." He said: okay, after a while, I got a phone call, he made accident, the car cancelled, and the front seat where I was supposed to sit was completely destroyed.

All these events are real; I summarized them just to see how lucky I am.

So, after all this memories hit my mind, I discovered that my life deserves, I don’t know if what happen to me is a kind of good luck, or it is fate… whatever, I discovered that I'm here to do something and I must NOT live like this, I have to improve everything … thank god, for looking after me…
Oh .. The water became a little bit cold; I have to go working …